Friday d’13th

Got up early.  Oxy wouldn’t let me sleep deeply and boif had to wake up at 5:20 for work at 6am.  I’ve officially been awake for 2 hours.  Laid in bed, washed dishes, fed my rabbit, dumped my empty beer cans, and drank a cup of tea.  So not looking forward to work.  I don’t know what it is about my job that I dislike so much but I so dread it.

When I first started working there I thought it was fun and somewhat relaxing.  Somewhere you can laugh and be around nice people.  I guess now since I’ve gotten to know the bosses better and especially now since my old boss started working there it’s been stressful.  I feel like I’m walking on eggshells and the pressure to be perfect is so overbearing.  I feel like I get blamed for everything.  And especially now since I’m coming back from a week of being sick, I feel like now I have to make up for it even if it’s not my fault I was really ill.  I guess the best thing I can do is just go to work and buss my ass, pray for the best.  Hopefully I don’t get too cranky because that will totally just make the 10 hours I will spend there go by painfully slow.

But I guess the customers are okay.  It’s usually after you serve them their fourth or fifth drink when they become obnoxious, pushy, loud, and so irritating. 

Rant rant rant.

Hopefully *crossing fingers* today will be an okay day.

4-12-12

So today was quite unproductive.  Spent the day laying around watching the travel channel and surfing the web.  I have a strange addiction to online window shopping where I’ll just sit for an hour just loading up a cart full of cute tops and sandals, sit for a moment pretending I’m actually going to buy these things, and then exit the browser.  I could’ve hypothetically spent somewhere between 200 and 400 dollars today.

Been out of work for a week because I had a nasty lump in my throat.  It made it nearly impossible for me to eat, let alone breathe without sounding like I’m snoring.  Finally on Monday afternoon it decided to pop and leak puss and blood.  It wasn’t the yummiest lunch but thankfully the pain has dulled.  Went doctor and got doctors note.  Bet my boss isn’t too happy about that but whatever.  I could barely even talk cause my neck was so swollen.

So work tomorrow.  Friday night with Michelle.  Hopefully the day goes by fast.  Come to realize that I finally found a better paying job, yay, but I really hate it.  If my job were a person I’d like to punch he or she in the face really hard.  Eugh.  UghhHhHhh.

I wanna move to the mainland.  Boif wants to move to Honolulu.  Oahu is probably more sensible since it’s close to home but ughhhHhh.  UghhH.  I hate to say it but I’m tired of the people here.  I’d rather just live somewhere that I don’t know anyone and I can go about my day simply not giving a shit.

I’m just waiting for my Oxy to kick in so I can go be hyper and productive.  Plus I was just about falling asleep because I was so damned bored.

Random picupdate

Wachu kno bout dat?

Imma update you

with mah face!

My ear is 7/16 now.  I miss girly earrings.

I wake up feeling like my life’s worth living, can’t recall when I last felt that way.

So, today was productive.  More productive than most at least.  Usually I veg out in my room, television voices off in the background to keep me from being too lonely.  I cleaned the sink in the bathroom, cleaned kitchen windows, watered my garden, did my laundry, washed the dishes, ate a salad from Pete’s, and ran 2 miles.  I think I weigh some where between 95 and 97 pounds.  Damn the holidays and its vast variety of tempting foods.  This year I treated myself to furikake salmon which is covered in teriyaki sauce and mayo.  Eek.  I had imitation crab broccoli salad which also is covered in mayo, a baked potato with full fat sour cream, maki sushi, potato salad, and a shit ton of beers… and when I say a shit ton I mean a SHIT TON of beer.  And I’m not talking about the light beers I usually drink, I’ve decided to go hard and drink Budweiser, the King of Beers so to speak.  Since November sometime I’ve gained 15 pounds.  Bye bye beach body if I ever had one.

I went to the beach with my hubby last week and I felt like a whale.  My hips did that muffin top thing, and where my swim top ties the fat would bubble over lol.  Eeeeew.  So I’m happy I decided to exercise finally. 

Today I’m going to not drink.  I have to at least not drink for the next few days because I have an alcoholic’s assessment thing I need to get to, a fulfillment for my DUI case.  I’ve been saying that I’d quit drinking one of these days but I always give in to the temptation.  I guess it kinda cures the boredom. 

I have come to the realization that I’ve spent most of the last 4 years in the bottle.  I can’t quite remember when it began to spiral into such a big problem.  I remember drinking on only the weekends which soon turned to evenings.  Also, I was always the older one in my relationship so I had age to buy alcohol for he and his friends, and of course I drank along with them.  Drinking took the edge off being around new people.  I remember all the times I drank between classes, the beers I had while doing my homework.  I remember trying to compensate my drinking with healthy diet and exercise.  I’d run 4 miles in the morning, go to school, work, have a light salad, run 4 more miles, then come home to a relaxing few Michelob Ultra and write in my diary.  I remember inheriting my first mini fridge and how it saved me 20 creaky steps to the kitchen fridge.  I remember sometimes drinking before my afternoon jogs and how it sort of took the edge off doing cardio.  It really didn’t bother me at this point because I made enough money to support my and my partners drinking habits…. but then, 2 beers slowly grew to 4, and then again it grew to 6, maybe 7 or 8.  I began drinking wine to feel classy, then I really kicked it up a notch when I started drinking vodka weekly.  Especially when Travis and I broke up, I was pretty much drunk all day long.  Drinking was my way to cope with everything.  I drank when I was happy, when I was sad, bored.  There was always a reason to have a drink, there was always room to relax a bit.  Now that I think about it, I haven’t not drank a single day without suffering through it.  Like Oh God, why am I so bored?  Clearly I’m not having fun when I’m sober. 

I have a lot of fun when I’m drinking but I know it’s clear that I have a problem if I can’t stop.  I’ve drank while doing pretty much any activity, so much so that I don’t feel normal when I do those activities sober.  It’s pretty lame.

So thinking hopefully, I won’t drink tonight.  I might be bored as hell but it’s gonna have to be done.  I have that stupid assessment I need to take a urine test for.  I know it’s for the better but damn, this is such a shitty feeling.

Boredom

Life is dull.